Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
