Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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