fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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