yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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