you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
a search helicopter?!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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