Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize