we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
