im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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