Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
