I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
