I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
someone owes me an orgasm
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
