i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
