Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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