the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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