whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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