that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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