you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
