I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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