I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
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He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think your dad took our porno
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I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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