hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
