Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Come see our sink grown plant.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It's blow job season.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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