There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
