found the other keg... it's in the tree
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
