Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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