I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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