I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize