just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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