I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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