I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
