Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
