How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
