Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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