Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
