I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize