my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
