I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
