repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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