i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
