Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize