I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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