Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
