We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
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The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
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Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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