is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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