literally had 100 drinks last night.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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