We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
