Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
barbara walters just said penis...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
