I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
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