is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
