I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
