You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
