The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
