Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
