i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
