The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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