am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
