uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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