i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
