Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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