This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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