One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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