Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
