i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
