Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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