that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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