I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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