The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My feet surprised me
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