you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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