I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
