I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
