her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
