My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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