the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
