dude i'm inner monologue high
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
