Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
