I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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