Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
