Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
