She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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